Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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