Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea