remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
