Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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