I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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