Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
porn star boner night. come get it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Randomize
