I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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