I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
