Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize