I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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