if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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