And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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