Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
