you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
