u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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