My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
