i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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