The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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