You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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