remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
