I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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