i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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