It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
