Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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