My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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