this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
