Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
That's when you crack a 10am beer
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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