so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
