I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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