The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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