my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize