there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
