This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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