if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
