I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
