Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
