I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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