I will die if light touches me.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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