okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
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the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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