Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
