So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I need to calm my uterus...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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