Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
