he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
