I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
