The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
