so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
