where am i from again
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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