I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
