just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I cut my penus on the lid.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
