guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
