his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
