so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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