i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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