Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize