Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
