hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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