Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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