My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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