he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize